Next year will be better #MondayBlogs #Writers

I am a horrible writer. At least, I feel that way sometimes.

I should be writing books and stories. I should be coming up with new characters and ideas. I should be working on marketing and selling my books. I should be working on moving this business, dream, and career forward so I have more to show for my efforts.

Alas though I am not.

I sit in front of my laptop looking at a WIP (work in progress), a blog post, a freelance article I want to try and sell or even that cocky-ass blank white screen. I wait for my fingers to move and for my brain to start working. I wait for something, anything to come so I can get more words down than just ideas I’ve thought about while I’m handling the other parts of my life. I’m in this….fog that began with frustration and I can’t seem to get out of it.

It’s all just so much. It’s so much on top of my already so much. I try and control my thoughts to focus on one thing but it doesn’t last long and my mind gravitates towards one or more of the other things on my to-do list. I can feel the weight of it all on my shoulders, in my heart, and on my mind.

I love writing but it’s getting hard to talk about now and even harder to think about. There are so many things that I must do but I don’t know what to do first or what things I can do simultaneously for the sake of efficiency. I don’t have enough time (or enough time that would make me happy) for even the simplest of things; like just writing. I don’t have the money to do the things I need to do to make things progress businesswise and free only gets you so far.  I have a list of all the things I should pay attention to, work on, books to read and articles to pour. But, even writing this was hard, like forcing thoughts into something meaningful is ever easy.

Last year I kept saying, “next year will be the year. Next year things will start to happen.” The funny thing is that I said the same thing the year before that. It’s June already and short of actual writing, I am already feeling 2017 defeating me. This year started off exciting with a new book launch and plans. Oh man, I had plans, grand plans, great big beautiful plans. Then slowly one bad thing after another happened and my plans started getting eroded. I began crossing things off my list not because I accomplished them but because I could not. I tried sticking with the things I knew I could do or at least thought I could within reason and reality and even some of those got crossed off.

I think about that old dust bowl mantra from the 1930’s, “If it rains…”

So, for now, “In 2018 things will start to happen.”

Next year will be better.

 

Cannon Beach, Oregon
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