Being Mom-less: Month 1 in the Sea

A wonderfully thoughtful post from my amazing fiance’ about her mom

Pesky Pescatarian

On the 6th of April, I will have existed for one month without my Mom. I use the word ‘exist’ because I don’t think I have yet learned how to live without her. This past month has been a horrendous battle and the horror is all internal. Every day I wake up wearing a silver locket necklace holding her ashes and it’s so heavy against my chest. Everyday I drive in my van where a tiny, clear jar of her ashes hang from the rear view mirror. Her ashes look like sand and it every time I catch a glimpse I have to swallow a scream because this is my new normal; being surrounded by my mothers’ ashes. I try to tell myself it’s comforting to have her hanging from my neck and swinging from my mirror but I think I’m just trying to convince myself it’s not macabre.


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