This isn’t a poem. I don’t write poetry. I don’t know what it is really but considering the insurmountable loss we as a family have suffered this past week I needed to say something. Anything.
-For Sheila, who thought my dreams were worthy of her daughter and her love. –
By Michael Melville
I hate that you left us.
I hate that I have almost no pictures of you and my son, Jax, together at Christmas because you were always in the hospital and he couldn’t visit.
I hate that I didn’t have enough time with you. A little over 3 years wasn’t enough.
I hate that the sicknesses that ravaged your body took you so soon.
…that my fiancé won’t have her mother at our wedding
…that I will have one less dance
…that you won’t see your baby girl walk down the aisle with the man she loves.
…that fate or god or whatever wouldn’t give you the strength to last until the end of November.
…that we have countless stolen memories; vanished like wind between my fingers…
……………………Duck Lake…Interlochen…Point Betsey and Birthdays at Beltline Bar
….that I will never hear you say, “Hey handsome” or “Hey good looking” again
….that you will never see my son do all those things that Grandmas should
….that you will never hear Jax call you Grandma
I hate that it’s 2:30 in the morning and I am writing this because I have no idea what to say to anyone.
I hate that I spent 3 hours going through thousands of pictures and found none of you and me together…
I hate that time prevented us from having more chances for them….even one.
I miss your voice and its soothing kindness.
I miss you calling me a dink when I’m being ridiculous.
I love that you had so much faith in me when I occasionally have so little in myself.
I love that you touched my heart in ways that you will never know but hate it because I cannot tell you thanks.
I love that I will see pieces of you in my father in law, your son Todd, your daughter Chrystal, the love of my life Stacey, your grandson Jax and future grandkids for years to come.
I love that you hated no one and loved everyone…
I’ll miss you…
I hate goodbyes….especially this one