It’s 6:25 am.
I slept from about midnight until roughly 2 am. I got up, ran to the gas station and got coffee because free and a drive is better than making a fresh pot at 2 am. I wrote for a bit, worked on some other book stuff, looked for a new job… stared blankly at my laptop screen while Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald played in the background on some music station on the tv.
I tried going to bed. I really did…at 5:30 am but I wasn’t tired but I thought I would try. So I Iaid there, hoping I would not wake up Stacey and annoyed with the fact my mind was racing and I could not stop thinking about things. What things? Anything and everything basically. From my cold feet and selling books to swimming pools in Florida and a post-apocalyptic Grand Rapids Michigan it was all there. Much is on my mind lately. This is becoming the norm and I don’t know why. You could blame the coffee but in the last 24 hours, I’ve only had 2 cups which is down from normal 13 cups.
So, I gave up on sleep for a bit. Thought I would blog and drink tea for a bit hoping that would help.
On the way to the kitchen table, I walked past my son’s room and saw that he was just sitting up looking at the red lights in his room. Is this normal for him too. Is he usually up at this time of morning just hanging out in his crib? He wasn’t crying or making noises except for some light hums. Nothing sad or dramatic. I changed his diaper, found his backup binkie and laid him back down and sung him to sleep. Except he didn’t fall asleep. He was just lying there…thinking about Jax stuff I guess.
What does an almost 18-month old think about at 6 am I wonder? Surely not his dads writing career, job search, cleaning the house and the bills which are piling up even more than they were before. He’s not the one thinking about putting away the clean dishes and loading dirty ones in the dishwasher at 6:30 in the morning and possibly rearranging furniture(seriously). I wonder what he thinks about…. for real? And how is he so calm about it? Whatever it is he is cute while he’s doing it.
What stinks the most is I’m going to be worthless for the day and I’ve got things to do.
It’s 6:52 am. I am still not tired. Blogging did not work.
I am still not tired. Blogging did not work.
Blogging did not work.