Tonight something happened that is rare in the Melville household–my son let me put him to sleep. It doesn’t sound like a big deal. It’s something that is incredibly normal for many dads. Jax for the last several weeks has been very ambivalent about letting me put him to sleep. He prefers his mom, Stacey and is not afraid of showing me his displeasure by releasing an anger I think is only comparable to that of Thor.
I try, don’t get me wrong. In fact I try often. Most nights during the week I am up writing or doing homework for college and I am the first to hear when he wakes up. Almost inevitably though he screams loud enough that Stacey wakes up (I’m pretty sure he knows what he’s doing with this) so she comes in with tired eyes and takes him from my arms and he usually falls asleep very quickly at that point.
I feel bad about this. I don’t feel proud or that I am winning and can pawn my son off. I actually hate it. I understand he’s clingy and a little bit of a mommas boy right now. I just feel…well like crap that I can’t calm my son down enough so he will go back to sleep or to sleep at all. I feel bad that several days a week Stacey has to wake up and be the one who puts him to sleep. Am I doing something wrong? Do I smell? Have I offended my offspring in some way?
Tonight was different and who knows why and I don’t care. I will take it, I will take the time and I will take the win. I enjoyed it and I enjoyed being there for him. I enjoyed listening to the London Philharmonic Orchestra playing Moonriver; the song I sing or hum to him at night when he will let me . I enjoyed being able to connect with him and have a few moments that belonged to just us.
It was a nice change. I wonder if this happens to other dads and I wonder how they handle it. How do the moms?