A letter to my dog

Harley,

At night when I’m lying in bed with Stacey I think of you often.  Wishing you were there curled up behind my leg where you always did cuddling with us as a family. Even after not seeing for  a year and 2 months sometimes I still wake up and reach for you so I can pet you on nose or your back. I still feel your legs stretching out and poking into my legs or my side in your sleep. My life is changing so much and I happier then I have been years…

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But still, there is in empty space in my heart where all that remains are our 12 years of memories together before you were ripped away from me by that horrible and gross….you know. I am still sorry I allowed her in our lives, I regret it every day. I was better than that, better than her and we deserved better, you and me. I just didn’t see it because of the emotional abuse she dealt out that even my family and friends saw but I was too blind to see. I am sorry you are stuck at that place where we cannot see each other where you cannot run and go for walks and enjoy the sun. I am sorry that “teacher” uses you as pawn. It’s what she does; she hurts people, manipulates people and always has. You didn’t deserve to have this happen to you. Neither of us did. We should have run away as soon as I knew how crazy she was; before she hurt you in order to hurt me.

I finally found the one we always hoped we would, the one where I hear beautiful music every time I see her. I know you remember Stacey. You were her favorite. She said you were “a nice old lady” and you were. Harley I am having a baby boy in July, Stacey and I are.  Have you heard that? We are also moving soon as well. I Imagine you sometimes laying there watching over our baby like you used to do with my niece when she was young 8 years ago. You would move around when she crawled so she didn’t go too far. Sometimes when I’m alone I sit quietly and imagine seeing you play with him during the last few years you have left in the back yard. I could always trust you with kids and babies. You were always great with them. If nothing else, in my heart you are still a part of me, my life and my family and you will always have a place in it. If I knew how to change it I would and haven’t given up even if others say I should.

I miss you girl. Somewhere on wind you will still smell my scent and in our dreams we will always be together as we should be.

Harley and I up in the UP

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