I have since I last saw you in January I kept a journal. I write letters in it but I write letters to you. I know that cannot read them, will never see them but somehow…I hope you can feel what I say. This is the first letter to you that I have posted on my blog. I have tried before but it’s just been too hard. some days it only feels like weeks since I have seen you, walked with you and rubbed your little spotted belly. In reality it has been 9 months. 9 months since I have seen you which feels like a blur most of the time. Days sometimes feel like weeks and weeks feel like days.
I am sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to keep us together, smart enough to figure something out. I am sorry you are stuck where you are. I know you miss me like I miss you. I know you think of me every day just as I think of you. We had 12 years together before we were forced to say goodbye, before we were kept from each other by that…..
I miss the times when you would come and rest your head on my leg or lick my hand to say hello while I was writing. I miss little things like car rides and going to the pet store. I miss knowing you are out in my car or in the truck while I am having coffee. Kacey misses you, she asks about you more and more and these days and that makes this even harder.
Things are going okay for me. I am in the middle of some pretty big things that I am keeping close to the vest for now. I wish you were here to enjoy them with me. You were usually the only one there for me at the lowest parts of my life and now that the future is looking bright and I wish you were there for that. You and the memories of our time together give me constant inspiration and ideas for my writing. Baby girl I met someone, rather I’ve gotten to know someone in a completely different way than I ever expected. I haven’t been this happy with someone in a very long time. She appreciates me and that’s something you and I haven’t seen in sometime. She likes the same things we do, the little things that you and I used to do. She likes walks in the woods, Christmas, long road trips and quiet. She would actually want you to come with us on road trips and not leave you at home. Best of all she likes you. The other night she watched my favorite movie with me…you know how big of deal that is for me. I wish….I wish I could have done better. I wish I could have done more. I am sorry. I miss you baby girl, I miss you like you miss the sand in your paws from the beach, running in the ocean out in Oregon, riding in the car with me and running in the park.
I hope you are being good and making the best of things. No matter what I know at night time, in our dreams that somehow, someway our thoughts and hearts connect and things are as they once were.