So back in August of 2010 I wrote a blog about the new version of Red Dawn, which is a remake of a popular 80’s film of the same name starring a young Patrick Swayze and Charlie Sheen among others. The original has Russia and Cuba attacking the USA and taking part of it over. A group high school kids band together, call themselves the Wolverines, and make insurgent attacks on the enemy. I basically bashed the living shit out this remake and Hollywood in that blog and mostly still stand behind it. Here is a link for that original blog which got many hits…and I find that suspicious.
Last night I actually watched the newest version of Red Dawn. Originally, the attackers were going to be China and Russia when I wrote that blog in late 2010. In the movie version, however the aggressors are North Korea and they make a very slight mention of Russia attacking the eastern seaboard of the USA. The news footage used at the beginning during the opening credits actually makes a great explanation of how things started and made sense. Bases on current events I found it fascinating. Then it gets weird, unrealistic and fucky. I checked IMDB while watching this movie and apparently, the wonder brains in Hollywood decided to remove China as the chief attacker and pick North Korea, they did this to make money in china according to the site.
The movie stars Chris Hemsworth (Thor), Josh Peck (drake and josh fame),Josh Hutcherson (Hunger Games), Adrianne Palicki (Friday Night Lights and Legion) the blonde transformer chick from Transformers 2 and a few other people that don’t really matter. Let’s be honest the only STAR in the movie is Hemsworth however Adrianne Palicki is hot and has done some decent work. The characters they play are named the same as the original characters from 1984…at least they kept that.
The basic idea is the same and they band together under Hemsworths training ( he is a marine in the movie) after part of the North Korean army attacks the pacific northwest and the town they live in which is Spokane, Washington. Again, to rehash the other blog the move was mostly filmed in Detroit, which looks nothing like Spokane at all…not one bit not even the dirt looks the same. I spent a fair amount of time in Spokane and avoid the D at all costs (go tigers, lions and redwings however). In come, the North Korean paratroopers led by a “prefect” who spends most of the film looking dubious and unsure of where he is until Thor double taps him in the face. The kids fight the good fight. The movie plays out basically the same as the original did. I was not happy with how Jed played by Hemsworth who I will just call Thor from now on was killed. He didn’t go out in a blaze of glory like Swayze did in the 1984 version… no Thor in fact got bitched out bad. Why kill Thor, the biggest star in the movie in such a horrible way. Maybe because they did not know how big of a deal he was going to be. Besides that who knew the kid from Drake and Josh isn’t fat any more? Who knew he did acting beyond Nickelodeon? not me. bla bla bla people die and its all sad and stuff. And then Josh Peck gets to make his Braveheart speech on the end…..freeeeedommm!
There was two funny moments of the whole film. One is when Robert (Josh Hutcherson) and another kid he is with are running from North Korean soldiers and run into a subway filled with people eating subway sandwiches who are pretending life is normal and they are not living in an occupied USA…cuz that’s a normal reaction. Robert realizes where he is, jumps on the counter holding his machine gun and says……wait for it….wait for it……wait for it “Sandwich artist build us shit with bread” the kid working squeals “what kind” and Robert says all serious and shit “I don’t care just no flat bread” because flat bread is the devils work.
The second wasn’t even something anyone said actually just something I noticed that I don’t think was meant to be in it. Just before the scene above, they blow up some North Korean indoctrination building. The whole thing goes up, a snitch dies and the camera switches to a view from down the street. There is some random ass dude walking down the street and just misses being hit with fire and explosions. He looks behind him and then just keeps walking as if it’s an everyday thing. This is how I can tell that scene was filmed in downtown Detroit since that guy was probably a homeless crack head who wondered into the scene and is used to fire, explosion and gunshots and didn’t give a care. I really does not look like he was supposed to be there.
On a side note if the USA was ever invaded you would sure as shit NOT see me chowing down on 5 dollar footlong subs at subway…I would at least money up the cash for Red Lobster for fuck sake…waffle house or something classy like that.
As far as movies go, it wasn’t bad, there was enough plot holes to drive a semi through but the action was good and the acting wasn’t as bad as what we saw in all of but the last 2 Twilight movies. A few things made no sense to me though. Like why North Korea, I mean I get they have like the 5th biggest military in the world but damn and I get the whole wanting to market in China deal. In the movie, they apparently used some sort of EMP weapon or hacked the power grid and then dropped nukes on “Strategic big cities” (but never said what cities) in America. North Korea does not have a missile that can hit the west coast let alone farther inland…let alone that kind of Nuke power.
Then there is the paratroopers who jumped from giant troop transport planes…there was hundreds of these planes. How the hell did they get all the way over the Pacific ocean without running out of gas or the US military doing anything about it. The power goes out on a Friday night and the Asian storm troopers are there Saturday morning…I call Bullshit. Did the people who wrote the movie even look at a map or call UPS and ask questions.
Moreover, there was barely any show of force by the military of the USA and that makes no sense to me. In addition, what about China, and Canada were they just like hey “common thru” it’s cool….I doubt it. The original movie in 1984 was considered realistic, something people could actually see happening. However, with this one….I just don’t see it…not with North Korea…Canada or Mexico would have been a better and funnier option. Even if our military was spread all over the world I find it hard to believe we could be invaded that easily. Nevertheless, just in case…Obama you really can’t have my guns now….
Ugh if had a star rating I would give it a 3 out 5….Thor made it watchable.