I sleep great at night knowing that I am not going to be 35 years old and look, act and think the same way that I did when I was 20 years old and naive. I am proud that I have grown and gotten better as I got older. And succeed greatly sometimes and failed in others…and learned from both of those. While knowing that If I hadn’t grown some balls and tried I would never know what either one felt like or learned from either.
I’m not afraid of the future failures that I know will happen because its life and they happen and I won’t run in fear because it may. The future will have more success for me this I know, but I will never have them…no person can if they don’t keep going forward and stay idle, don’t keep trying and want to stay the same…Clinging to the familiar and safe. I didn’t settle for one good thing in my life when I knew I wanted more, and I wanted more because my gut told me so and I trust my gut and always will.
Life is too short to play it safe and just live and skate threw life doing nothing and accomplishing little. It’s too short to be seeking just one singular experience and emotion and calling it good and quitting at that point when there is world of them out there to see, feel and touch…To learn from. Those that think it is are sad, weak and delusional…a boy not man, a girl not a women, immature not mature, a loser not winner…they become lackluster, humdrum, boring, idle and lethargic, dim-witted, obtuse and uneducated…a lame horse that should be shot and saved from its own suffering.
The ones that say they are happy with life as whole at a somewhat young age are nothing but afraid, lack drive, will power and guts…again they are delusional. They forgot the spark they had when they were younger, forgot their drive and let their dreams go away without even trying for them…They lost their sense of adventure. Fear and envy rule their world and live in their hearts. They fear others that do things and dare to live life to the fullest and envy those who succeed and dare to so…they live under a dark cloak of false happiness, contentment and jealousy.
They wake up every day bullshitting themselves that they are happy, so they will not be pushed or forced by others around them, the ones they say they love to try for anything more and better. Happiness is fluid and what made and makes you happy in your early to mid 20’s WILL NOT make you happy in most cases in your thirties and forties and older…life doesn’t work that way, but if you don’t live…if you run you will never know. Ask any senior citizen if they were happier in the 20’s than they are at an old age after they have lived a rich and full life…they will tell you no almost always.
I sleep well at night knowing that tomorrow will not be the same as today, that next month will be different from this month and that in 3, 5 or 10 years or more from now my life will not be the same as it is now or was before. I sleep well knowing that I will not stay the same, play it safe, that I will not be lazy, and lose the will to dream and TRY for more.
As I go along, I will try…Perhaps…too feel some sort of pity for the ones hiding under their cloaks and rolling in their bullshit like pigs on a farm. While they give me angry, jealous stares and uneducated backhanded comments as I pass them while I am going forward and working towards my next adventure and experience…my next success and my next new memory and my next new learned lesson. Then…I will laugh my ass off because they had their chance, their shot and they failed, they failed because they lacked the courage to try.
As pass them by once again I will leave my tiny bit of pity at their feet for them to keep as memory of me. A memory of where I am, where I came from and where I went…where i had the courage to go. So they have a memory of where they are not and will never be, a memory of their failures… A memory of what they forgot.
And I will sleep well at night
In the words of Robert Frost-
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.