This college experience I’m dealing with right now it great and wonderful and so far its going OK with only a few minor setbacks, Ive had to make exceptions tho with certain things tho. And one of things that Ive had to make exceptions with is the writing of my most current novel. Ive been writing it on and off for nearly 2 years and fairly consistently for the last year alone. I don’t know if any of you have ever tried to write a novel, but its a meticulous process of constant writing, editing and rewriting, thinking, thinking, second guessing and thinking. You will get a whole chapter done and realize its complete and utter SHIT…and then start over.
Its not quick like some would think, and to some degree the reason it takes so long is because little things that we go through and see throughout our day can enter into the story in some way shape or form and at the very least affect the “mood” of the current part of the story your working on. But with this college things it causes an issue for me. I have never been a guy big on schedules even with the coffee shops i was never big on schedules, i don’t like sleeping and I, for along time have had better things to do than sleep and better ways to spend my time…like drinking coffee and smoking with friends. A large portion of this novel has been written at a time of the night when most people would be asleep. And now i am learning at least until i figure out another way that COLLEGE and SCHOOL requires more sleep than what i am used. I could stay up all night doing my own thing and study then go to school and sleep afterwords BUT then i run the risk of not doing anything productive with my day and time and I’m sure my relationship would fail if i went that route. I have many other things now that are in my life that keep me busy, other responsibility’s and i spend more time now doing homework than what i spend actually writing my novel, which is my goal…to be a novelist, NOT a journalist which i am going to school for.
Its hard and it pisses me off when i have to fight and finagle two or three hours where i can sit down and write my novel, when for along time i had all the time i wanted and needed, if i wanted to write i just WENT and wrote and did it, but now i cant. My preferable time to write is at night, at the end of my day when the entirety of my day is behind me and i can draw things from it, whether its emotions or ideas. Its when my brain, my process and my ideas work and are the best, at 1 am is when i can sit and write the best and with the quality i am expecting this novel to be. Its when i can just be me and be left alone with my own mind with nothing else to worry about, sometimes ill go to write and end up writing something completely different, a great example would be the fact i have 4 different “short stories” i am working on off and on when i have the time or the want to do it.
But now with college and everything else, sitting down and writing the novel when I WANT TO is getting harder and harder to come by and figure out for allot of reason that i cannot say here. I have school Monday, wed, and Friday from 8am to noon and a night class at 6 pm Monday nights, so i have to try and sleep a little for those so i do well enough to actually have a point of going back to collage and seeing some decent results. So as far as writing this novel goes, i have (in my preferable writing times) Monday, wed, Friday and Saturday nights because i don’t have school the next day. But if you figure in all the “other” aspects of my life and the other things i have to do and include time for homework i lately have only been able to manage 1 MAYBE 2 nights a week to actually sit down and write and it sucks allot. And the nights that i CAN write (during the week) are my early days where i am up at 6am give or take 15 minutes so by the time late night comes around i am tired and sometimes have trouble focusing. I have and am trying to write during the day on Tuesdays and Thursdays but for some reason the feelings and ideas don’t come as clearly or as easily. You cant just sit down and write whether its something new or continuing a novel like me. You have to wait for the the creative juices to start flowing, the ideas and words to come to your head. So when i head out to the office at 11pm, midnight or even 1am it may take an hour and sometimes more before i actually START writing not because i don’t want to because obviously i do if i am out there, but it takes time for stuff….the writing “process” to really begin and to where i can get going (this is NOT writers block). Sometimes ill write blogs or short stories to warm up or read/edit what i have previously written….but regardless it takes awhile and if I’m going to sit down and spend time writing this novel, i have been doing it long enough to know that it takes more than an hour or two and usually 4 AT LEAST.
I am glad i went back to college, but it hate that its getting in the way of the this newest novel getting done. Part of me wishes i would have just waited to start collage again until it was finished. But then i may not have gone back at all, and got busy writing another novel or just gone back to the coffee business and regretted it.
Its a daily struggle that few understand and I cannot explain easier than this……at least it feels that way