Opinions…when there right or wrong


…or not

What is an opinion? According to Wikipedia, the definition of an opinion is this:

An opinion is a subjective statement or thought about an issue or topic, and is the result of emotion or interpretation of facts. An opinion may be supported by an argument, although people may draw opposing opinions from the same set of facts. Opinions rarely change without new arguments being presented. However, it can be reasoned that one opinion is better supported by the facts than another by analysing the supporting arguments

In addition, according to Webster’s dictionary If you have issues with Wikipedia the definition of opinion is:

Main Entry: opin·ion

Pronunciation: \əˈpin-yən\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French, from Latin opinion-, opinio, from opinari

Date: 14th century

1 a : a view, judgment, or appraisal formed in the mind about a particular matter b : approval, esteem
2 a : belief stronger than impression and less strong than positive knowledge b : a generally held view.
3 a : a formal expression of judgment or advice by an expert b : the formal expression (as by a judge, court, or referee) of the legal reasons and principles upon which a legal decision is based.

Often we, and to this I mean myself I suppose love to share my opinion whether it is listened too, respected or ignored. I spent along time in my life (as we all do) where my opinions did not matter, whether because I was “too young” or “not experienced in life” or they were just “not credible” too those who heard them…and it devastated me. I wanted and needed validation, acceptance and to matter and have my thoughts matter. THEN I, at some point, which I cannot remember, changed my mode of thinking and accepted the fact that that my opinions may never be liked, accepted, or even respected. What’s more is that I stopped caring if they were at all, even listened to; but I said them nonetheless. I stopped getting emotionally irritated as often as I could when some one did not like what I said, had a problem with or disagreed with me. And according to my interpretation of both definitions of the word I am in the clear. However, what If that may not be the case after all….

Surely, my opinions matter to some people, the degree may be different but they matter…don’t they? Moreover, to some people my opinions do not matter to them at all, and I am fine with that. I am fine with that because I NOW have the mental capacity to choose what opinions I am willing to take to heart or not and they strongly depend on the source from which they come generally. I state my opinions often on many subjects and I may be right or wrong, but at that moment in time THAT IS WHAT MY OPINION IS. The great thing about opinions is that they can change if I should feel I want to change my mind on them.

Moreover, at times I lack tact, which means: a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense(Webster’s dictionary)

My opinions are drawn from what I have learned, read, heard and experienced and vary depending on the source of which I learned about a particular subject. Now when it comes to TACT, that is something I have had no real use for BUT at times do practice…when it serves my a purpose. I never saw the point of altering my spoken thoughts just to pander to those with certain…sensitivities. However, sometimes I screw up and do not use tact when I should, especially when it would benefit be to do so in certain situations. Sometimes when I start talking, I just keep going until everything I feel and want to say is out there for better or for worse. IS that a bad thing? I never really thought so; I more often get compliments on my willingness to speak up and having the balls to say what I think should be said. As opposed to keeping it bottled up and locked away as to not offend other people, in street term I “keep in real”. But even with my opinions I don’t always just blurt them out right away, sometimes I take the time to word it right OR and this is probably the biggest case is saving those opinions for the appropriate moment. I do this to get the biggest bang for my thought and shock and awe people. I enjoy the look people have on there faces when they are like “holy shit did he just say that”…

I do not really intend to hurt people’s feelings with my opinions or upset them and usually it is not my purpose at all even though it happens that way somewhat often. I suppose I just do not get why people are so worked up over someone’s opinion let alone mine. I’m not really telling someone how to live, think, walk and talk….yeah I have my opinions on how they should as we all do…but I don’t think they should really do it or act on it unless they really want too just because I say something, basically because I don’t care if they do or not. Anyone who knows me knows that I react to very little emotionally…and if I ever do it takes awhile. For me to react emotionally to anything means I am threatened or pissed or it’s a more of a reaction to some other unspoken thing I’m dealing with that I don’t talk about and unwilling to share. I do it when it really matters and counts and don’t see the point in doing it at all otherwise. I lack in many ways…feeling…I guess and this is probably for many reasons. Good or bad, I do not know how to stop it or make any grandiose changes…just little ones…little gestures, which it seems, are only gestures in my mind and good ones at that. Some would say that I lack compassion…emotions and caring……

And maybe I do, accept when it comes to things that matter the most to me. My mom says sometimes “you’re a big teddy bear and so companionate and caring and sweet”…yea maybe at one point in my life I was and maybe still in spurts, but that opinion comes from a women that hasn’t really known me since the late 90’s. I was accused of being selfish tonight and only thinking about myself sometimes, and maybe I do…more than I realize. I was brought up normal enough. Then I was thrown by my own choice into a world when I moved out to Oregon that was different from the one I grew up in Michigan with. I made choices and did things that give most people nightmares (I wont go into detail anymore than that). Like I said good or bad, right or wrong, but those choices I made and things I did had a lasting effect on me and made me into the man I am the person you see or hear about. And because of those things I lost certain abilities to be human perhaps, to feel pain and heartbreak and maybe even love to the degree that most people do and what most people want or need in there life. On the other hand, maybe I just learned how to very quickly push the pain, fear, hurt, loss, anger and frustration down so I could move forward as quickly as I could. Even now, I dwell on anything emotionally upsetting very little in an obvious way and it comes across as very apathetic to other people I am realizing. BUT…here’s the thing, Its not that I do not care, it is that when it comes to certain things and situations in life…I lack the ability to SHOW I care, at all or even in the right way. I forced myself to learn how to do that to survive…I forgot how to feel…and I stopped caring if I did to a large degree…how fucked up is that.

I am an aspiring novelist and have been writing short stories, my hopes, dreams, concerns and worries for years in notebooks. People that would sit and see me type and write at various places that serve coffee know this. My favorite type of music is songs that have a romantic undertone or idea hell even my novels could be considered “romantic” but have you ever wondered why? I mean it is a HUGE difference in subject matter to those that are privy to my past life, attitude, and how I walk threw this world and come across to people……

……It is partly because of my own shortcomings in relationships past or present or failures with women that I loved or cared about and partly because of my parents divorce when I was a teenager. However, it is mostly because the songs and my writing give me hope to what I have trouble finding or believing in within my own self and my own heart. It makes me feel something…anything, even in an imaginary way as opposed to feeling nothing at all which I did for years off and on. The music and writing give me hope that if I put it into words it will renew my faith in my own heart and abilities to love that I wake up everyday having a hard time feeling or feeling in a way that I LIKE let alone someone else gets and LIKES.

So I wonder, what is an opinion really. Is it something we are supposed to edit and then share or throw out there and walk away once its said. How do you find that medium ground where it is ok to share your opinion and not piss people off, or should you care at all. As I said I lack tact and some elements of compassion so I do not get too upset by people opinions of what I say or me or there opinions about anything really. I am harder on my self in my own head and heart than what anyone could possible put into words to my face. Is an opinion really worth getting upset about? An opinion is not a fact, if a girl were to say to her boyfriend “I think you’re going to cheat on me” that is just her opinion and most likely is so far from truth and reality it is ridiculous. But if she were to say, “your cheating on me” that could be very well based in fact. If I were to say the sky is a “shitty color of blue”, that is my opinion and the sky may just be normal ass blue.

But when is it ok to give your opinion, unedited or not, wanted or not. Are we supposed to walk through this world on eggshells with our thoughts and feelings compromised because we may or may not upset someone? Are we supposed to ask permission to speak with an open mind in this world now? I do not think that is a life worth living in all but that is just my opinion and is subject to change. Nevertheless, I suppose for the sake of love and having it in life there has to be and I don’t get that……

Unconditional love is defined as A term that means to love someone regardless of the loved one’s qualities or actions (Wikipedia). So I wonder does that include ones thoughts, opinions and beliefs OR just what they do and there actions…or neither or both.

Therefore, I wonder now, do we live in a world where we have to have an asterisk (*) behind everything we say, think and feel? Can’t an opinion be taken as just what it is…an opinion? Moreover, do we have to have a debate and argument with other people every time they or we express an opinion? I sometimes say things and voice opinions aloud that I do not really care about having a discussion over and its not that I cannot. It is that it was not the point of giving my opinion, it was meant as a “take it or leave it sort of thing”, and I know allot of people like this. Why does everything have to be a debate and a battle of wills and ideals whether it is in a job, relationship, everyday life or whatever?

When do you leave well enough alone and let bygones be bygones. When do we accept our individual differences and move forwards with mutual respect on our ideas differing or not.

Has the repressive “politically correct” movement dumbed down society down and turned us into a bunch of “wussies”. This is a blog so we can use blogging as a great example. Millions of people blog everyday around the entire world, and maybe billions I do not know. Moreover, even for me with this blog I do not care if I get a response or not and someone’s opinion. If they want to respond and give there opinions that is cool, but I did not write this blog to start a debate though but rather……just to get things of my chest. However, back to blogging, people do it for many reasons. And I wonder if some people blog about the things they do and how often they do it because they have gotten sick of sharing there thoughts with people “verbally” and getting thrown under the bus for it. Have people resorted to the internet for there own individual “freedom of expression” because in the real world there opinions and ideas are repressed and stomped on for the sake of “tact” and “political correctness”. Do we blog to see the words on the screen that we think inside and want to share but cannot because other people are so insecure that they cant handle someone else’s opinion other than there own. Who said people have to agree on things all the time or ever, compromise is not agreeing.

I once heard a teacher I knew in Oregon say “If your going to have an opinion it better be an educated opinion, otherwise don’t share it”. This yeah made me laugh, but also made me think and realize later how full of shit she was. Because what is educated and pertaining to what. Is it educated like her with a degree in teaching and only 2 years of living in the real world out side of college? Is it the plumber who’s been working for 20 years and is reading books at home to educate himself more on art? On the other hand, is it the politician judging union factory workers on how over paid they are but never actually worked in a factory themselves. “Education” can and does mean allot of things and is very subjective depending an individual’s degree of education, whether it is free reading, college, life or whatever. For myself I could probably run circles around a recently graduated “business major” in the real world as far as running an actual business because I have done it WITHOUT a degree and he/she just has a nice piece of paper and no real knowledge in doing it. So I wonder in this teachers mind “who” is “educated” enough to actually make an opinion or even allowed to have one. Moreover, are you only allowed to have an opinion on things you have learned about and experienced, do you have to be an expert to have an opinion?…god I hope not.

But according to the definitions of the word “opinion” I do not see anywhere in either version where it says being “educated”, an “expert” or “proficient” is a prerequisite for actually having an opinion much less to openly share that opinon. Nor do I see anywhere requiring “tact” or “political correctness” for that matter. If anything the common thing that ties the two definitions is that an opinion is a “belief”. And one of the definitions of “belief” is: 3 : conviction of the truth of some statement or the reality of some being or phenomenon.

One cherry tree does not make an orchard. And isn’t life an orchard, every tree plays a part and role and every tree is different.

I don’t really care very much what I’m called. I’m much more interested in having people thinking about the ideas, rather than the person”

– Milton Friedman

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