To hell with getting old…

Smoking the old smokers out.

I started smoking when I was 19 years old during the summer immediately after I graduated high school. I did not start smoking because of peer pressure, that over-used “go to excuse” that bad parents like to blame for there parental inadequacies. In addition, I did not to it to be cool, since few of my friends smoked. I did it in fact to piss my ex girlfriend off who smoked, since she was smoker and I was not and I would not smoke when we were dating. I realized not to long after though she could have cared less that I started smoking let alone to piss her off.

NOW at 32, I am still a smoker and in the years in between there was only one real try at quitting. The amount of smoking as far as packs per day went up and down depending on my stress level, job, relationship problems and social environment. At my worst I smoked 4 packs a day when I was selling cars.(and before you judge too harshly just know that in reality, I only smoked half that. This is because as a car sales representative you are constantly lighting a cigarette taking 2 to 5 hits and then having to put it out because a customer or something else comes up. I did not smoke every single cigarette all the way threw when I was at work)

I am well aware of the supposed dangers of smoking; it (the dangers) has affected certain parts of my family and people I know. However, I do not do drugs and I more or less do not drink alcohol. Therefore, smoking is the one bad and unhealthy vice or addiction that I have so I do not feel bad about it. I would rather smoke cigarettes than be some crack whore meth-head, or some douche bag that goes and drinks every night at a bar then gets into a car and drives and kills someone. I would imagine at some point I will try to quit again, or maybe I wont it is not a concern to me at this point and will not be for a while. However, I am not trying to write a bitter diatribe about smoking and how much I really love it. Or…how I am convinced through my 90 year old ex smoker grandfather that smoking in fact keeps cancer away. So I will get to the real point…

(BTW as I’m writing this have a cigarette lit that is burning its self out in my ashtray)

Since I started smoking and got signed up for coupons from cigarette companies, I would get them in the mail. In addition and more to the point, I would get them like clockwork every month or every other month. It was as certain as person breaths in and out all day every day. I looked forward to them coming, it was like a nice surprise to come home and check the mail and see 10-25 bucks in coupons in the mailbox.

I noticed, as I got older though that the frequency of these coupons got farther and farther apart. The amounts of the coupons got less and less, and the “buy one pack get one free” coupons I have not gotten in a few years. I do not know but I am assuming this has at least some part to blame in the anti-smoking world we live it now. The cigarette companies are sued often so the “freebies” they throw out get less and less due to economics….or so I thought.

Last week I stopped back at my apartment to check my mail since I more or less stay with my girlfriend and I saw a big packet for “camel” brand cigarettes. I was like “sweet coupons” but then I opened them up to find that there was only three 1.50 off a pack coupons and one for free fake chewing tobacco(which I find disgusting in a big way). Therefore, I was excited and then I was like well “this is gay, but better then nothing I guess”. However, a few days later my girlfriend’s son who is 22 got a packet in the mail from camel. He opened them to find that he got about 15 coupons for $2.00 dollars off a pack each….WTF!!!


It was at that moment as I starred down at “Tommy’s” cigarette coupons that I realized something about my life. Which is that I am now truly old!!!!.

At 32 years old, I am past the point of cigarette companies trying to take advantage of me and throwing me those wonderful and convenient “freebies” via the snail mail to keep me smoking. They know that I am going to smoke and buy cigarettes regardless now unless I decide to quit. I realized that the under 25 crowd is more valued as a consumer target. It makes me sad to be so old that I am deemed not worth taking advantage of any longer by fucking CIGGERETE companies!!!!!!!!. Marlboro has not sent me coupons in well over a year and I get dumb crap in the mail from them and have to go online to get just one coupon if anything.

I miss the old days of massive coupons and great deals; I miss being taken advantage of. It is almost enough to give up my 1 pack a day or so habit now and start smoking cigars again like a respectful old person and novelist.

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One thought on “To hell with getting old…

  1. It’s funny because It’s so true… lindsay gets the $1.50 off and I still get a couple pages of the $2.00 off coupons… Just never really put much thought into it. Irony at its finest.

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