You know how in the winter some people and maybe allot get all depressed and stuck in a rut in the winter. Its something about the cold and dark skies and lack of sun, and I’m sure in southern states or in California its not that big of a deal. But i know tons of people that just get down in the dumps here in Michigan come winter time. They sit inside watching TV and movies and eat there winter comfort food and don’t do a whole lot. Unless your one of those people that like winter and winter sports and winter activities in the cold.
But I’ve noticed something in the process of writing this book, and i wondered about it last summer also. I get severe writers block in the summer. I had thought last year it was because i was in a relationship with someone else and was just busier with that and other things in my life, not that I’m blaming that but i basically stopped writing for the summer or lacked direction in writing. BUT I am in a new relationship as everyone knows with Kat and have been for almost 8 months. Me and her are busy and do allot so the fact of being in a relationship cant be blamed…so i thought and thought and thought and smoked and thought smoked and thought. But this summer to since the weather got warm I have again hit a sever case of writers block…whats worse i seem to have lost my inspiration…………
The fact that i cant smoke inside at the places where i drink coffee and like to drink coffee has screwed with me a little bit, its not so much the smoking thing perse’ but more the fact that once i get into writing and get on a roll (something anyone who has ever written anything longer than a page or two understands) but then you get that urge to have a smoke, you have to get up walk outside, smoke come back in and then……..you sit there waiting for it to come back, and sometimes it doesn’t for a long time.
My laptop breaking before we went to Oregon in the spring fucked with allot also, more because the loss of nearly 20 gb of music that i have on there that helped me write than actually breaking of the laptop.
So back to the weather, after more thinking and smoking and pondering and too much annoyance i have realized the summer and warm weather is to be blamed. I don’t know why really, i just know that it is. In the winter and fall and even early spring to a degree i find the weather soothing and enticing and it inspires me, i feel happy and more comfortable in the the cooler months of death and rebirth…i feel more myself in those months….happier maybe. I hate the heat anyone who knows me knows this. But when its 80 or 90 degrees outside i find myself unable to center my thought on anything consistent for this book chapter to chapter. In the late fall,winter and early spring to a degree i wrote 13 chapters or so(i cannot explain how hard it is to write a chapter of a book). But the words and the inspiration just came to me, the story jelled(at least to me it did) and the words just seemed to flow…..BUT since it got warm and hot i have only manged to muster out 2 or 3 chapters(1 of which i keep re-writing because it just seems to suck).
The only time i do feel like i actually can write and feel the pressing urge to do so and feel even a little inspired is when there is storms or even just rain. I cant wait for the week when we get 2 or 3 days of straight or even semi consistent rain and its like in the 60’s…fuck ill take 70’s and maybe ill get something done.
So for now I’m sitting here trying to find the words to type in this laptop and make something I’m happy with and wishing the fall would get here fast. Or at least figure out how to get some sort of inspiration done so i can feel productive. I hate writing when it feels forced and for some reason the shitty ass warm summer is screwing with me.
Maybe its because this book takes place on the Oregon coast and i feel far removed from there at the moment. Maybe the cold weather or even cool weather helps me feel like I’m closer to being on the coast and closer to my story.